I’m sitting at Le Pain Quotidien in Hancock Park in Los Angeles and there are at least 3 famous people here, but I don’t care. I’m supposed to be writing my own jokes for the James Franco roast so I can live-Tweet and show Comedy Central how funny I am. At least that’s what my big shot guardian angel at Brillstein Entertainment Partners said to do. He said, “You’re a great fucking writer” to me last week, and he bases that solely on my Facebook jokes. And this man represents some of the funniest people you know. So I do what he tells me. He’s trying to make me make it. I barely know him but I love him. Hearing that I’m a great comedy writer makes me prouder than anything I’ve done.
But I’m tired, I’m distracted. I’m thinking about my headshots sitting in the photographer’s mailbox across town that I’m going to get after this dentist appointment. It’s hot, I have my period. I’m tired- did I say that? I’m wondering if I’ll see the hot 26 year old after his long, arduous first week at school. Cue the Rod Stewart. It’s not love, it’ll never be love, but he’s a good kisser and it feels nice to have big, strong arms around my body. It’s been too long. But mostly I’m just worried I can’t write enough jokes in the next three days. It’s not just Franco. It’s all the other ones. The number of roasters is overwhelming and I’m tired, it’s hot, I have my period.. I don’t want to let Papa Brillstein down. I don’t want to let myself down. So Labor Day Weekend will be writing. Today… not so much. Unless you count this.
I heard a story this week about a guy I used to work with in the office back in Jersey. His wife died of cancer shortly before I left 2 years ago. We all loved this guy, he is a top-notch gent. A rare one. He kept a smile on his face through the whole thing and never lost his composure, though he did lose a lot of weight. You say Anthony, you see Anthony, you smile. He’s one of those. So I hear Anthony found a new love and that he’s moving down to Florida to be with her. He’s already secured a new job. He’s changing his life. He’s not just chugging along after being let go from Medco, our company, along with hundreds of others. He made this change. He’s living. I love this story.
I’m about to go get my teeth drilled some more. I gotta deposit 2 checks first. I should just hand them to the DDS.
I'm always amazed when people completely change their lives, whether they move far away or convert to a new religion or drastically change professions or leave a lover because it's not working out. It's so rare because for some reason we humans convince ourselves that we're stuck. How did we learn this behavior and attitude? I think a lot of why we're afraid of change is rooted in guilt. Guilt for even WANTING it. Guilt is a learned behavior and such a wasted emotion. I’m guilty of it. Of guilt. The thing is, we're so free and we don't even know it.
It’s hot, I’m tired, and I’m distracted by the thought that death is certain and soon. And that we should live.